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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25042114">Holding Onto Feelings</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodemornting/pseuds/goodemornting'>goodemornting</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RuPaul's Drag Race RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Magic, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Demon AU, F/F, Lesbian AU, Love, Mutual Pining, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:42:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,273</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25042114</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodemornting/pseuds/goodemornting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicky absolutely hates studying for her Latin class, until she accidentally summons an (albeit very, very pretty) demon and can’t quite work out how to get rid of her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nicky Doll/Crystal Methyd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Holding Onto Feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everyoneeee new fic new fic 8) This is written for fizzo (@crystalcrackhyd on tumblr my god is she talented) for the little gift exchange! I wanted to write you cowgirls or something, but that wasn’t working so instead here’s 4k words of demon crystal being a cutie :) Always free to chat on my tumblr blog @goodemornting bahah, tysm for reading! Also, thank you to Peridot for beta-ing and being a general angel! Title from Cherry by Rina Sawayama</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every time Nicky had to study for her Classical Latin class, she felt regret. She regretted trusting Jackie, who said she took it last year and it was cool - everything was cool to Jackie, she thought four unit maths was fucking cool, - she regretted signing up for it and she regretted not signing out of it while she had had the chance, because she was quickly realising that any other language would’ve been easier than this. </p><p>It stuck out like a sore thumb compared to the other classes on her timetable, design, photography and social studies paired with something as mundane as Latin. Nicky read over the textbook again, every single sentence on the page looking like a foreign language, which she supposed it was. Nicky couldn’t comprehend how any of it was supposed to be useful, besides the only insult she knew, fungus putidus, but she probably wouldn’t even use it outside of class anyway. She wanted to kill Jackie for making her sign up, despite the older girl repeating time and time again that she hadn’t forced her into it - that fungus putidus.</p><p>At some point, while she was hunched over her desk, the only light illuminating her room coming from her laptop and muttering the words to herself under her breath - sure her pronunciation was way off because the teacher was always correcting her - something dripped onto her notes, bright red and syrup thick against the white of her notebook paper and startling her out of her study haze.</p><p>A drop of blood. </p><p>The French woman blinked, scrambling up to get some tissues and muttering curse words under her breath. She probably should’ve shown it to her teacher, to prove that despite her mediocre  test results, she was working so hard she managed to get a nosebleed while studying, for God’s sake.</p><p>The blonde woman stuffed one tissue into her nose to stop the bleeding from getting on her clothes, and a second to wipe the blood off the paper without making an even bigger mess. She took a sip of her already cold, half-price coffee and attempted to get back to work, saying sentence after sentence until the consonants and vowels jumbled together and didn’t sound right anymore. She leaned her head back with a groan, scrunching her eyes shut in defeat. </p><p>She could smell something burning.</p><p>Nicky frowned, squinting upwards at the fire alarm fixed calmly on her roof. It would go off if there was a fire in the dorm, right? Maybe Jan next door had another accident with the toaster again. She glanced back to her notes and-</p><p>Nicky shrieked, dropping the notebook sharply onto the floor because that was what was burning.</p><p>A circle of bright white fire was spreading slowly across the notebook paper, seemingly beginning where her drop of blood had landed and conquering the rest of the page at a somewhat alarming rate. She wondered briefly whether or not this gave her an excuse to not finish her class work. </p><p>Before Nicky had the chance to gather her thoughts and move to grab a fire extinguisher, the fiery blaze exploded into a puff of smoke leaving only a littering of ashes behind. The blonde coughed, tentatively opening her eyes to assess the damage before practically jumping out of her skin, stumbling back in a frightened haze because-</p><p>There was a woman in her house. Standing directly in front of her, on top of her charred classic Latin notebook.</p><p>Nicky screamed bloody murder, reaching behind herself to fumble for anything she would be able to defend herself with. Her hands settled on the handle of an umbrella, tugging it threateningly between her and the stranger with trembling hands. In her twenty two years and three months of life, she had fortunately never been subject to home invasion, but she definitely didn’t think it was supposed to go like this.</p><p>Tall and tan, swallowed by an oversized denim jacket covered in pins, legs hugged by tight red leather pants, big boots on her feet and a bejeweled pitchfork in her hands, the stranger looked more like a bartender at some downtown nightclub than the serial killer who was going to be responsible for her death. She grinned sharply, white teeth glinting and cheeks puffing out in delight. </p><p>“Hiya mortal, why’d you summon me?”</p><p>The last things Nicky noticed before she promptly blacked out were a snake-like split tongue poking out playfully between pursed lips, and a mess of bright orange curls.</p><p>*** </p><p>“Hey, uhm...blondey, wake up..” A honey tenor voice echoed from somewhere near her, a nervous twinge making it sound even sweeter.</p><p>“What the fuck..” Nicky mumbled, scrunching up her face in discomfort. Her head felt heavy, the only relief being cold fingers brushing her hair away from her eyes gently, as if she could fracture at the slightest touch. </p><p>She squinted upwards, vision blurry and colours melting into one another to form a bleak sunset above her. The first thing she could focus on clearly was two wide, soft eyes, painted in glittery red eyeshadow. She almost looked normal, maybe a little formally dressed for a home robbery, until the blonde caught sight of two massive, black devil horns portending off of each side of her head, gnawed and curled at the tips. A very gorgeous face, devilishly so, peered down at her, scrutinising, brightening immensely at the sound of the French woman’s voice. “What the fuck?!”</p><p>Nicky sat up so quickly her head started spinning, jerking away from the strangers grip and holding out her hands defensively. “Please don’t kill me.” She cried, eyeing the pitchfork in the strangers hand, “Oh my god, please don’t, I have so much to live for, je suis vraiment désolé-“</p><p>“Sheesh, no need to be so dramatic.” The orange hair woman scoffed, waving her hand nonchalantly, like she was in her own home and not a complete stranger’s. “Are you okay? I always forget humans get so so scared of things.”</p><p>“Who are you and what the fuck are you doing in my room?!”</p><p>“Uh… A demon? Technically my name is some long Latin word but I prefer Crystal, so,” Crystal narrowed her eyes, waving her hands to get Nicky up from the floor. The French woman looked up at her with a gaping mouth, making no moves to get any closer to the other woman. “Why are you so surprised? You summoned me, didn’t you?”</p><p>Nicky suddenly felt faint, watching the way Crystal’s skin's red undertone shone under the light. Watching how her feet floated just a little bit off the ground, tiny red sparkles following wherever her hands went. She wasn’t really an idealist, but she was starting to believe that maybe the orange haired woman wasn’t lying, or she was really, really good at it. </p><p>She swallowed, keeping her defensive stance. “I didn’t summon you.”</p><p>“But you must’ve. There was an incantation, well, a very short one but still, and a blood offering,” Crystal tilted her head, stray curls hugging her face, “so I got brought here.”</p><p>Nicky wondered yet again whether this meant she didn’t have to finish her Latin work.</p><p>Her eyes flew to the notebook, charred and covered in ashes from the fire. The bloodstain was still bright red anyway, glistening as though it hadn’t been on fire moments ago.</p><p>Did she actually manage to summon a demon… with her terrible Latin pronunciation? </p><p>She breathed in deeply, narrowing her eyes as threateningly as she could manage. “I didn’t do it deliberately,” she whispered, as if someone would hear her, “You can go back to..hell, or wherever you came from, I guess.”</p><p>Crystal tensed, “W-what do you mean you didn’t mean to summon me?”</p><p>“I probably mispronounced a dumbass Latin word. You can go home-“</p><p>“I have to do something, or else I can’t go back.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“If you called me because you wanted to be rich, then I would make you rich and then go back. If you wanted fame, I’d make you famous and then go back.” Her voice rose higher and higher the longer she talked, hands gripping her bedazzled pitchfork tightly, “I can’t go back without an order.”</p><p>Nicky, to put it frankly, thought that was bullshit. </p><p>“But it was an accident,” She scowled, pointing sharply at Crystal’s face, “you have to go home.”</p><p>“Well obviously that can’t happen, can it.” The demon grumbled, crossing her arms and dropping the pitchfork. Nicky tensed, ready for the clattering sound of metal against the wooden floor, but it never came. She squinted her eyes open, drawing back at the sight of the weapon floating peacefully next to her, sparkles holding it suspended in the air.</p><p>“Can’t you do something? If you can make stuff float this should be easy,”</p><p>Crystal sighed, hovering over to Nicky’s curtains and fiddling with the tassels tiredly, “Nope. I guess we’re stuck together until we find what it is that you want.”</p><p>The only thing Nicky wanted right now was a glass of wine and an expulsion from her Latin course.</p><p>***</p><p>It had only been three days since Crystal arrived in the French woman’s bedroom, but was Nicky already in over her head.</p><p>The demon sat carefree on top of her bed, legs crossed under her and lip pulled between her teeth. “Tell me, what’s your biggest want in life?”</p><p>“This isn’t a psychologist appointment, you’re a fucking demon.”</p><p>The orange haired woman giggled, “You could at least put some effort in. I’m trying to work out why you summoned me.”</p><p>“We’ve been doing this for two days, we might as well give up now,” Nicky groaned, flopping down on the bed next to Crystal. </p><p>“Why, is it because you want me to stay so badly?” The demon smiled, all easy, laughing it off. Nicky went silent, rolling her shoulders and looking down.</p><p>All of what Crystal said was true.</p><p>Maybe it started on her first night, while the blonde was struggling to find enough blankets to create something kind of reminiscent of a bed for the demon. She grinned as soon as Nicky led her to the blanket pile, diving straight in with a tuft of orange poking out of the top. </p><p>Her cheeks strained from keeping her smile under control, biting her lips so hard she worried they might bleed.</p><p>Maybe it started when she caught Crystal humming to herself late at night, peering into the dimly lit kitchen and staring wide eyed at the Latina who danced around while making herself a bowl of cereal. Her hair was tousled and her clothes wrinkled, but she still looked eurepheal and utterly magical while she sang vaguely to the tune of highway to hell. </p><p>Her eyes followed her gentle movements, focusing in on every individual sparkle that followed the younger woman wherever she went.</p><p>Or maybe it never really started and was more a gradual thing; seeing Crystal strictly wearing leather and sparkles despite Nicky offering to buy her something more comfortable did something to a person, no matter how much they disliked living with a real life demon. </p><p>She was so, so gone.</p><p>“Hello? Earth to dolly?” Crystal waved a hand in front of her face with a grin, tilting her head happily. “Like I was saying, we should try out these ones today. One has to be right!”</p><p>“Y-yeah, lets get it over with.”</p><p>Suddenly Nicky thought that maybe she had summoned Crystal for something..personal.</p><p>***</p><p>If there was one thing Gigi Goode wasn’t, it was empathetic.</p><p>“When you said you were lusting over a hot demon, I thought you meant it less..literally.” The brunette chuckled, leaning over the restaurant table to whisper quietly to Nicky. “Is it the horns that do it for you? Maybe you like the magic, I knew you were gay for sparkles.”</p><p>“Shut up,” The French woman groaned into her hands, “It wasn’t my fault.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s a sign, even the universe knows your hopelessly single so they gave you an emo girlfriend you couldn’t refuse–“</p><p>“Shut up!” She slapped Gigi lightly, rolling her eyes. </p><p>There was about one person Nicky could trust with knowing she was having gay panic over a demon, and it was Gigi, although she would never admit it. She had sent her an embarrassingly long paragraph over text, filled with crying emojis and capitals letters about just how gone she was. The longer Crystal stayed, the more fond Nicky felt over her, suddenly her littlest mannerisms and quirks becoming Nicky’s new obsession. She started noticing tiny little things the demon herself wouldn’t have been able to pick up; like how she smiled the lightest bit lopsided when she was really happy or how she said she could handle spice but only with a glass of milk at hand. </p><p>Her head hurt.</p><p>“What am I going to do when she goes back to hell and leaves me alone?” Nicky mumbled, watching the way Gigi’s face softened at her tone.</p><p>“You enjoy the time you have left with her.” The brunette declared, pointing her fork of tomato pasta accusingly at Nicky, “Invite her to that party Widow is holding tomorrow, and have the time of your fucking life.”</p><p>“Don’t you think I’ll just fall in even deeper?”</p><p>“Nah. The ocean doesn’t go on forever.”</p><p>No, but it did go very, very deep.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>Crystal couldn’t stop beaming the entire Uber ride to Widow’s house, cheeks puffed out like a squirrel from her big bright smile. “What do people do at parties anyway?”</p><p>Nicky couldn’t bear to make eye contact, instead focusing on the dimly lit streets outside. “Do they not have parties in hell?” She whispered, “Is it just..on fire, all of the time?”</p><p>The orange haired woman tensed at the uttering of her home, swallowing, “No. It’s basically just..red.”</p><p>The French woman didn’t push it any further, the sight of Crystal’s kilowatt smile faltering causing her own heart to start pounding. Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she fished it out to find a text from Gigi in all caps and a hundred emojis following it.</p><p>Geege💋: simp.</p><p>***</p><p>Almost as soon as they arrived, Crystal tugged Nicky gently over to the bar. “Order me something pretty,” she grinned, sitting down excitedly like a kid waiting for their mom to order them fast food.</p><p>The French woman ordered her the sweetest drink they had, patting herself on the back when the demon gasped in awe of it. They stayed at the bar for most of the night, mindless chat between each other and other party guests filling up the hour.</p><p>“Why’d you move away from France?”</p><p>“Because I needed a new start, I think.”</p><p>“Say something in French!”</p><p>Nicky took a deep breath. “Je t'aime depuis le jour où tu es arrivé et maintenant ça commence à me frapper donc ça devrait être le meilleur jour de ta vie parce que tu es parfait.” She couldn’t stop, heart stuck in her throat so far she could hardly breathe. “Je ne l'avais pas réalisé jusqu'à présent, mais vous me manquerez plus que je ne pourrai m'en occuper.”</p><p>Crystal applauded, wide-eyed. “Woah, that was so awesome. What’d you say?”</p><p>The blonde chuckled, “Hello, my name is Nicky Doll and I like sheep.”</p><p>Hopefully Crystal wasn’t any good at French.</p><p>After a while, Nicky couldn’t help but glance to where most of the other guests were clogging up; the dance floor in the middle of the house. She shook her head – everything bad always happens on the dance floor. Tonight had to be fun, memory making, so she wouldn’t have to face how much she loved the –</p><p>Geege💋: do it bitch omfg</p><p>Nicky startled, looking across the room and meeting eyes with Gigi. Tangled up in a tall, Persian woman’s embrace – at least the night was going well for someone – the brunette  threw her encouraging thumbs up from across the room, shooing her away to face her fear. The French woman took a deep breath, pulling Crystal from off her barstool and onto the dance floor with a silent tug to her hand.</p><p>“C’mon, lets go dance,” she said calmly, even though she felt as though her heart might beat right out of her chest.</p><p>“Okay,” The demon giggled, “I won’t be very good though,”</p><p>“That’s okay, follow my lead.”</p><p>They shimmied along to some pop anthem, laughing at the hard rock songs and smiling at the sad ones. Nicky liked dancing with Crystal, because Crystal didn’t take herself too seriously. She messed up over every second beat, tripping over herself while still having the time of her life. She stumbled into the blonde's arms after a while, face smushed up against Nicky’s chest.</p><p>“Whoops, sorry.” The Latina giggled, all easy, and just as a slower song began to play, couples migrated to dance alongside them. </p><p>That was okay, Nicky was okay. She tried to remove her arm, maybe suggest they go get another drink, but Crystal wouldn’t let her go. She looked at the younger woman in confusion, a swoosh of blood rushing to her cheeks. “What?”</p><p>“Let’s..uhm..keep dancing. I don’t want to stop just yet.” Crystal whispered, frowning down at her feet and leaning her head gently on Nicky’s shoulder. They swayed along to the beat, the French woman trembling every time she had to move any closer.</p><p>“Yeah..let's keep dancing, then.”</p><p>***</p><p>The next morning, Nicky awoke swaddled in warm arms and a mess of bright orange curls.</p><p>She grumbled, trying to untangle herself from the hair. Sitting up, she rubbed at her eyes and swallowed down her headache, glancing down at the tan arms still wrapped around her waist. She didn’t remember bringing someone home last night – hopefully it wasn’t weird. She yawned, moving to get up and out of bed before looking over her shoulder at the sleeping woman.</p><p>The sleeping woman with orange curls, red lips and pointed devil horns.</p><p>Nicky sputtered, stopping in her tracks and staring wide-eyed at Crystal, who was snoring softly behind her and drowning in the mound of her curls. She fiddled with the blanket awkwardly, trying not to stare at the Latina’s golden skin shining in the morning light, eyes fluttered closed gently and a spit of drool near her mouth. She looked like a character straight out of a romance movie, the bright and carefree love interest who the audience would absolutely die for. Nicky supposed she was, in a way.</p><p>The blonde tensed at the feel of the demons grip tightening, a small tug to her waist pulling her back into Crystal’s arms. “Mmm, Quédate aquí.” The younger girl mumbled, burying herself into Nicky’s neck before resuming her peaceful slumber.</p><p>“We have to get you home, remember?” The French woman whispered, trying unsuccessfully to slip out of the orange haired woman’s embrace. “We gotta test more stuff today.”</p><p>Crystal hissed at the idea, “Don’t worry about it, who cares.”</p><p>“I care. You want to see your family again, yeah? We could do, uhm, food today? Or fame again, maybe I wanted to be an actor or somethi-“</p><p>“I could go home whenever I want, Nicky.” The demon sighed, turning over to look straight into her eyes. “I could go home ever since I got here.”</p><p>“What?!” The French woman sputtered, staring wide eyed in shock. “Why didn’t you? Why did you waste your time here?”</p><p>The demon swallowed, “I….” She hesitated, as though she couldn’t bring herself to say the words. “I like you, blondey. I don’t wanna leave you behind.”</p><p>And for the first time in what felt like weeks, Nicky was totally silent.</p>
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